


Teach Me to Breathe, Teach Me to Move

by RepressedGayClub



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Also they make out xoxo, Bedsharing, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Established Relationship, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Obvious drug tw, Protective Sokka (Avatar), They're oblivious and gay, This is incredibly soft and cheesy and angsty, Vulnerable Zuko, mutual gay pining, the 420 zukka fic nobody asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:27:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24627811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RepressedGayClub/pseuds/RepressedGayClub
Summary: "Zuko has never been high.When he tells Sokka this, he doubles over with laughter. Sokka replies, 'Hell, Zuko, I don’t know if you’ve ever been relaxed at all,' which he receives a playful hit on the arm for.'Stop laughing,' Zuko mumbles as he hides his face in a pillow, his tell sign of embarrassment. Sokka’s laughter dies to a giggle in response to this known maneuver, and he smooths his hand over Zuko’s back.'Come on, baby, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s not for everyone.'Zuko moves the pillow to his crossed legs and huffs, his dark bangs drifting up with his breath. 'I know,' he says, 'but it’s something you like. And it’s not like I don’t want to relax.'”Or, Zuko has problems letting go. He's wondering if weed might help.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 547





	1. Take Care of You

Zuko has never been high. 

When he tells Sokka this, he doubles over with laughter. Sokka replies, “Hell, Zuko, I don’t know if you’ve ever been relaxed at all,” which he receives a playful hit on the arm for. 

“Stop laughing,” Zuko mumbles as he hides his face in a pillow, his tell sign of embarrassment. Sokka’s laughter dies to a giggle in response to this known maneuver, and he smooths his hand over Zuko’s back. 

“Come on, baby, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s not for everyone.”

Zuko moves the pillow to his crossed legs and huffs, his dark bangs drifting up with his breath. “I know,” he says, “but it’s something _you_ like. And it’s not like I don’t want to relax.”

Sokka sets his small blue pipe on the bedside table. He had smoked in front of Zuko only one other time, and Zuko watched him with curiosity, eyes wide with questions. Sokka assured him he didn’t have to do it in front of him, but Zuko said he liked it. Sokka shifts so he’s sitting next to Zuko, leaning forward to look into his eyes. He uses an index finger to gently lift Zuko’s chin, getting a good look at his anxiety filled expression. Sokka places three kisses; one on smooth, puckered scar tissue, one on the swell of pale cheekbone, and one on parted lips, holding there a bit longer.

When he pulls away, Zuko’s eyes are closed, the tension he previously held gone, like that. This is it — this is how Zuko relaxes. Sokka had been joking before; it would’ve been more accurate to say Zuko never relaxed _before he fell in love with Sokka_. Zuko knows Sokka is aware of the individual power he possesses to soothe his worries. 

The first time it happened, the war had just ended, and they found themselves staying up late every night together in Zuko’s room, trying to make sense of the unpacked tragedies they had been through. One night, at around four in the morning, when the comfortable pauses in conversation became longer, Sokka yawned and cursed.

“I’m so tired, I can’t move. You have to carry me to my room,” he proclaimed, holding up his arms like the Fire Lord would actually scoop him up bridal-style. Zuko laughed and nudged Sokka’s knee with his own.

“What, you think I’m not tired, too?” Zuko asked incredulously. Sokka sighed and relaxed onto his back, then closed his eyes. “I swear, Sokka, you are so selfish.” Sokka couldn’t see Zuko’s smirk, but he surely could hear it plain as day. 

“Less talking, more carrying Sokka to bed.”

“Less whining, no more Sokka talking in the third person.”

They laughed, then fell back into the silence. Zuko was sitting near Sokka’s feet, close enough to rest his knee on Sokka’s calf, but he didn’t. He saw a loose thread on Sokka’s sock, and ran a finger over it slowly. The movement was so small Sokka couldn’t feel it, but it made Zuko feel closer to him somehow. Touching him without really touching him. Sokka’s lids were still closed, so Zuko took the opportunity to get a good look at him (as if he needed another opportunity to do that).

Sokka’s deep brown skin looked heavenly against Zuko’s dark maroon bedspread. Sokka moved his arms so he could rest his hands on the back of his head, revealing the underside of his strong biceps. How badly Zuko wanted to curl into Sokka’s side, scratch his nails along Sokka’s stretched arms, make him shudder deliciously. Sokka’s face was completely devoid of worry, already lifted cheekbones pulled higher into a closed-mouth smile, strong brows relaxed above large closed eyelids. Zuko imagined Sokka’s head in his lap, gently tracing the soft lines of his face, leaning down to kiss his lips. 

Suddenly, he was speaking. “What if...” Zuko started abruptly before he could deny himself, then, “whatifyoujuststayedhere?” It came out almost too quickly to even understand, but when Sokka’s smile dropped and his eyes shot open, Zuko knew he was fucked. He already knew that, though.

Sokka sat up slowly, eyes wide and skeptical, testing new ground. Zuko bit his lip at the reaction, unsure of what to make of it. He prepared himself for rejection, to lie and say he was only trying to be polite, and no, he’d never thought about sleeping in Sokka's arms, and of course he didn’t keep himself up every night imagining it. 

“Okay,” Sokka agreed instead, and stood up. He turned to face Zuko, who sat there dumbly, surprised and relieved and fucking terrified all at once. He stood up, too. Suddenly, his arms felt like the most useless things in the world, so he crossed them over his chest.

“Do you, uh,” Sokka said, his voice sounding unsure of where to pitch itself. “Do you have a side?”

“What?”

Sokka rolled his eyes, that beautiful smile returning, easing Zuko’s mind a bit. “Dork. Do you prefer one side of the bed? Left? Right? Middle? Upside down?”

“I...don’t know? I guess I’ve never thought about it before.”

“So, you’re telling me if we were in my room right now, you wouldn’t naturally choose one side over the other?”

Meaning Sokka would have asked him to sleep in his bed, if the situation had been reversed. Hypothetically. Theoretically. Potentially. Zuko began to sweat. 

“Yeah, I mean, no, I mean—”

“Zuko,” Sokka said breezily, reaching out to grip his shoulder reassuringly. Zuko almost shivered. Sokka’s hand was surprisingly warm. “It’s okay if you’re nervous about sharing a bed with someone. It’s a letting-your-guard-down thing, I get it. But I don’t want you to worry about me. I can take care of you.”

How did he do that? Was he some kind of mind reader, using his private thoughts against him? That’s the only thing that made sense to Zuko. And, _he could take care of him_? Zuko envied Sokka’s boldness for a moment, cheeks beginning to blush the deep shade of pink only Sokka could coax out of him. Luckily, Zuko didn’t have to say anything, as Sokka continued, “I just figured you should be comfortable, since I’m imposing on you, after all.”

His hand dropped from Zuko’s shoulder. “That being said, I like the right side.” He had the audacity to wink before jumping onto his newly claimed territory next to the wall. He dipped his body under the covers, then opened them to Zuko, an invitation. “You coming?”

Before he could think too much about it, Zuko turned off the light and got into the bed. He laid on his back awkwardly, and willed himself to be as still as stone as he looked up at the ceiling. He tried to ignore the intoxicating scent of Sokka’s soap, mixed with familiar Fire Nation spices. Zuko's breathing was quick, but virtually silently. Still, Sokka sighed. 

“Are you okay, dude?

“I thought you were tired,” Zuko muttered, faux annoyance seeping in his voice. Sokka propped his head up on his fist, body curled toward Zuko. 

“Too late,” he said defiantly. Just the fact that Sokka cared so damn much, and didn’t try to hide it, made Zuko want to scream.

“I just...” Zuko began slowly, his body starting to thaw. He didn’t dare move his eyes, no matter how much he wanted to look at Sokka, to guess what he was thinking. “What you said before, about...you know. I’m not used to that. But I think you...” Zuko trailed off when his eyes accidentally found Sokka’s face, which appeared to be hanging onto Zuko’s every word, eyes darting like he could read them in the air. “I think you’re the only one who could. Take care of me.”

The words held so much weight, but now they had both said it. Sokka could take care of him. “Can I...?” Sokka began to ask, his right arm held out in front of him tentatively. He didn’t finish talking, but wrapped his arm around Zuko’s waist cautiously, like he was unsure which one of them might break.

 _Breathe_ , Zuko actually had to remind himself. He couldn’t speak, but managed to nod fervently. After gauging this reaction, Sokka used the arm he had over Zuko to pull him into his chest. Sokka’s other arm hugged him closer, and Zuko felt himself melt instantly. It felt so right, like another person had never felt before. Zuko noticed most of the pressure leave his brain, the problems he was so wrapped up in fading rapidly. Only a dull, petrified ache remained in his stomach to remind him that this was something he’d fantasized about for months. Zuko even whimpered (very audibly, to his embarrassment), unable to contain this feeling he never had before. 

Sokka gasped quietly, then intertwined his fingers in the other boy’s soft hair, trying to mend an invisible wound. “ _Zuko_ ,” he emphasized his name like saying it broke his heart and mended it together all at once. Zuko could only squeeze him tightly in response, his arms finding home around Sokka’s abdomen. “Wow,” Sokka whispered.

Then, Zuko was crying. It started as a few undetectable tears, but the quiet sobs ultimately gave him away. Sokka looked down at Zuko, then touched his scarred cheek softly when he realized he was crying. “Hey, what’s wrong?” When Zuko didn’t answer, Sokka bent his neck forward and kissed his forehead. He stilled once more. “Is that okay?”

Zuko finally looked up at him, golden eyes filling with tears, then draining. All he wanted to do was kiss Sokka, but if Sokka pulled away from him, he wouldn’t have been able to live with himself. He needed to hold onto this moment as long as he could.

“Helps,” Zuko whispered hoarsely, “Helps a lot. _You_ help. Thank you.”

“You’re so beautiful,” Sokka said, eyes wider than Zuko had ever seen them before. He looked like he regretted it at first, but he went on, “ _So_ beautiful, and not just on the outside. I fucking hate how people have hurt you. I wish I could take that away. But I won’t let it happen again.” Zuko moved to rest his forehead on Sokka’s warm throat, where he could feel a quick pulse. He felt the vibrations of his words as Sokka continued, “It’s okay. You’re gonna be fine, honey, I’m here. I won’t hurt you.”

 _Honey_. 

It sounded so natural when Sokka said it, like it was actually Zuko’s name. It was all too much. Zuko whimpered, high pitched and needy. “Sokka,” he sobbed. 

“Shh,” Sokka soothed, fingers still massaging the back of Zuko’s head. “I know. It’s okay. Can I ask— you don’t have to answer, but...Has anyone ever held you like this?” Zuko’s heart sank. His eyes twisted shut as he burrowed father into Sokka, if it was possible. He felt so humiliated, like the little scared boy he used to be. Zuko had been physically close to people before, sure, but it came at the price of his own comfort. No one had ever gotten through to him like this, and it frightened him. Exhilarated him.

Even though Sokka’s question had clearly already been answered, Zuko still shook his head jerkily. “That’s wrong, Zuko. I’m so sorry. If I had known, I would’ve been holding you this whole time.” It was supposed to make Zuko feel better, and it did, but Zuko cried harder at the thought of missing out on this feeling all this time.

“I…” Zuko wanted to deny it, to tell Sokka he was fine, but it was too late. “You’re here now. Please stay. I-I n-need you, Sokka. _Please_.” Sokka shushed him again, rocking him in his arms gently, stopping the panic in its tracks once again.

“I’m not going anywhere. I promise I’ve got you.”

Sokka’s promise rang true; he held Zuko and whispered comforting things to him until they both finally drifted to sleep.

It was the first time Zuko could remember sleeping peacefully through the night.

  
  


When he opens his eyes, Sokka is staring at him intently. He’s leaned forward, his head resting in his palms, elbows on the mattress. Still smiling, always smiling. But there’s something more to it, an awestruck sort of wonder, like he can’t believe the power he has over Zuko. To say Zuko feels vulnerable is an understatement, but it’s in the best kind of way. Vulnerable and loved and still extremely embarrassed, Zuko closes the distance between them. The kiss is short, but Zuko’s hand still flies to Sokka’s jaw. He has to touch him.

Sokka’s lips are still puckered when it ends, and he sighs dreamily, lids heavy. Zuko likes to think he’s got an effect on Sokka, too. Zuko smiles and unwinds his legs, resting against the headboard. “Where’re you going?” Sokka mumbles before straddling his boyfriend, who makes a surprised sound. 

“Nowhere,” Zuko breathes, eyes narrowing. His hands find Sokka’s hips. Sokka kisses his neck, the pressure point behind his ear, his jaw, then his lips. It’s both hungry and giving, open-mouthed and desperate. Zuko hums, his hands running up Sokka’s side. 

Sokka breaks the kiss and moves onto Zuko’s neck again, this time opening his mouth to bite the fragile skin. Zuko inhales sharply. “No marks,” he warns lamely, not for the first time. Sokka stops, moves so Zuko is looking straight up at him, and smirks devilishly.

“You don’t trust me, sweetheart?” He pouts his lower lip out, thumb running over the bite. Zuko’s the one smirking, now.

“No.”

“Mean. _So_ mean to me.”

“Hmm,” Zuko puts his hand over the one touching his bite mark, and brings Sokka’s thumb to his lips. The smart-ass look on Sokka’s face disappears. His eyes go wide. Zuko opens his mouth and runs his tongue across the tip of Sokka’s thumb, eye contact unbreaking, eliciting a groan from him. Sokka’s palm relaxes against Zuko’s jaw.

“Zuko, fuck,” he hisses, prompting Zuko to suck his thumb enthusiastically, eyelids fluttering shut. Dirty, lustful, right.

“Well,” Sokka takes his thumb out of Zuko’s mouth, then leans forward to whisper in his ear, “now I’m hard.”

Zuko laughs. “Well,” he plants a kiss on Sokka’s hand. “I was already hard.”

“Yeah, I was, too. I just like hearing you say it.”

Zuko shifts their positions abruptly, pinning Sokka down so he’s under him now. “Hard!” Zuko yells with a grin, probably too loudly, and Sokka erupts with laughter. He squirms as Zuko begins to tickle him, hitting all the familiar, tortuous places. “Do you like that, perv? Hard, hard, hard—!”

“I give up!” Sokka surrenders, and Zuko falls next to him, their heads less than an inch apart. They’re both grinning wildly. After a moment, Zuko’s smile fades, replaced by the soft look of need he tries unsuccessfully to hide. Sokka touches his face, letting Zuko’s features relax once more. “You’re so good. You’re my baby.”

“You’re _my_ baby,” Zuko repeats, snuggling into Sokka’s chest. Sokka nods in agreement. 

“Just two big babies.”

They stay that way for a long time, the rise and fall of their chests in sync. Periodically, Zuko places random kisses on his neck, slow and measured. Sokka’s heartbeat is too quick for him to be asleep, so Zuko takes the opportunity to say, “I want to try it. Getting, uh, high, I mean. I trust you.”

Zuko can’t see Sokka’s face, but he’s sure he hears a wicked smile in his voice as he says, “Okay, darling. Whatever you want.”

Zuko smiles, too. “Whatever I want?” He asks in his most sultry voice, reaching for the hem of Sokka’s robes. Sokka’s eyes spring open, seemingly not tired anymore. He helps Zuko take them off, and Zuko bites his lip, absentmindedly running a finger along Sokka’s toned chest. 

“Sure,” Sokka says sweetly, “as long as I get whatever I want, too.”

Sokka reaches for Zuko’s robes, and Zuko lets a breathy laugh escape. He holds his arms up as Sokka peels the garment off, tossing it over his shoulder. He watches Sokka watch him with the same awe as before, like he’s seeing Zuko for the first time. _I love you_ , Zuko thinks over and over, his mouth threatening to betray him. It hasn’t been long enough, though — only three months and twenty-four days since Sokka kissed him for the first time, to be exact. Even if Zuko knows this is what he’s feeling, and he’s pretty sure Sokka would reciprocate, it doesn’t feel safe. Zuko figures he at least deserves that.

 _One problem at a time_ , Zuko decides as he's pulled into Sokka's embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) The present is set around two years after the war, and the flashback occurs right after the war. So even though they had an obviously very intimate time together, it still took them that long to actually get together. I love my stupid gay sons!  
> 2) I'm pretty new to this fandom so if I get anything wrong timeline wise, my apologies! This universe is very confusing to me for some reason, so I tried to keep it vague while still keeping everything relevant to the plot.  
> 3) The title is a lyric from "Till Death" by Japanese Breakfast. I definitely recommend giving it a listen!
> 
> This is the first fanfiction I've written in probably a decade, and my first fic on ao3. I had never watched ATLA all the way through before it was put on Netflix, but I'm already on my second rewatch now. I was about eight when it aired, so I wasn't around for the Kataang/Zutara discourse, but I definitely think this is the best ship in the show by far. We live and die by the Zukka. The next/last chapter will feature more weed and them actually smoking it, I promise. I hope you liked it, let me know :)


	2. Sing Me to Sleep, Soothe This Insomnia

Zuko wakes up first.

Not just before Sokka, but before everyone else in the entire Fire Nation, he’s pretty certain. And not just today, but every day of his cursed life, though today is particularly important. His eyes spring open just as the room is beginning to lighten a fraction, the sun not yet risen. Both of Sokka’s arms are tangled around him comfortably. Zuko rubs circles into Sokka’s skin with his thumb, then brings his hand to his mouth to kiss it. Zuko unwinds himself to stand up, and Sokka’s arms fall onto the bed limply, practically lifeless.

Zuko’s smile is fond. _Heavy sleeper_. The heaviest sleeper Zuko’s ever seen, actually. He definitely doesn’t mind, considering he wakes frequently throughout the night and gets to stare at Sokka as he sleeps without worrying he’ll wake up. Not that Zuko does that.

He’s barely been awake for a minute but already he’s keyed up, wringing his hands as he looks in the mirror. In the low light, a familiar look of panic greets him, brows furrowed in apprehension, mouth open slightly as if in shock. Hair sticks to one side of his face, and he shudders at the thought of Sokka’s drool cementing it to his cheek in the night. He peels it begrudgingly. _The things I do for love_. Sweat begins to bead on his forehead, and when he goes to wipe it away, he notices his hand shaking. He sighs, tries to draw a deep breath to calm himself, but ends up sputtering instead. He’s a hot mess, as Sokka would say.

Thirty minutes later, Zuko is pacing silently up and down the hallway outside their room. The guards have peculiar looks on their faces, but this isn’t exactly out of character for Zuko. His thoughts are racing with fear, anticipation, and something _good_ — excitement. He’s never done any kind of drug before, so he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do in terms of preparation. Probably not this, but he can’t think of anything better. As far as Zuko is aware, nobody he knows smokes besides Sokka, and he figures he’s embarrassed himself enough for one lifetime there without asking more stupid questions. He feels like he’s losing control, all because his brain _won’t shut off_. 

Zuko’s paces turn into sprints. Desperate, frantic, pent-up energy spreads through his limbs as he runs. _Where are you going_? echoes in Zuko’s head, shrill and mean, suspiciously like Azula. He tries to drown it out with the steadily growing rhythm of his feet, and he’s so focused he almost falls backward when he hears Sokka’s voice, piercing the quiet. “What do you think you’re doing?” He’s standing in the doorway of their bedroom between the two guards. His arms are folded and he’s wearing only a sarashi, a suspicious, tired look in his eyes. Grumpy.

“I, uh, nothing.”

“This guy,” Sokka says to one of the guards, motioning his thumb to Zuko. The guard cracks a quick smile, then looks on again. Zuko huffs and pushes Sokka back into their room, shutting the door behind them. Sokka sits on the bed wearing his usual effortless expression, like it’s not weird at all that he just found his boyfriend running up and down the hallway practically in the middle of the night. Zuko stays standing, hands on his hips pointedly. He may or may not be pouting, just a little.

“You scared me, Sokka!”

“You scared _me_ when I woke up and you were gone!”

“The only reason I’m there every morning when you wake up is because of you,” Zuko says in a rush, before he can stop himself. “I wake up this early every morning.”

“Really?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Zuko says with a shrug. He blushes. “Besides, I...like looking at you.” Sokka smiles, stands up, and walks over to Zuko. Sokka’s a little taller than him now, though Zuko would never admit it. It allows him to comfortably wrap both arms around Zuko’s shoulders, pulling him in tightly. Zuko’s arms loop around his lower back, and he rests his chin on the muscular shoulder greeting him. Home.

“I’ll let you in on a secret,” Sokka says lowly, chin tucked toward Zuko’s neck. “I like looking at you, too.” After placing a kiss on his neck, Sokka moves so they’re looking at each other, faces close. Zuko smiles shyly when Sokka’s palm touches the back of his neck, long fingers scratching at the base of his scalp lightly. “In fact, when you fall asleep first every night, I love watching you.”

Zuko chokes a little. “You... _really_?”

“Don’t sound so surprised, hot stuff. I mean, look at you.”

 _Exactly_. Zuko doesn’t dare say it out loud; he’ll never hear the end of it. Instead, he says, “Every night?” like Sokka might take it back, but he nods enthusiastically in response. Feeling justified, Zuko places his chin back on Sokka’s shoulder, then kisses it. “Well, I guess that makes us two creeps, then.”

“Definitely,” Sokka laughs. His hands move from Zuko’s neck to snake down his arms, intertwining their fingers. Sokka is the one looking up at him now, wondrous blue havens where his eyes should be. Zuko kisses him, and takes his time. When they pull away, their lids are both heavy. Sokka asks, “Will you lie down with me, sweetheart?”

“Of course.” _Anything_.

Sokka leads Zuko to the bed by his wrist, pulls the covers over them, and positions Zuko so he’s laying on his chest. Zuko has a sneaking suspicion that he’s being babied, but he really can’t argue in the state he’s in. Sokka’s chest is warm under his cheek, the steady rhythm of his heart lining up perfecting with Zuko’s ear. This is Zuko’s favorite place to be. Sokka runs his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, massaging his scalp.

“Zuko, are you awake?”

“Mhmm.”

“What was different about today?” Zuko’s eyes open, looking up curiously.

“Huh?”

“You said you stay in bed until I wake up every morning. What’s different about today?” Zuko’s brows knit together, and he shoots a look at Sokka as if to say, _Isn’t it obvious_?

“Ohhh,” Sokka says after a moment, then stifles a laugh. “You’re nervous about smoking?” Zuko turns away from him, face growing red with embarrassment. Sokka’s hands remain in front of him, a puzzled expression on his face. Zuko glares at the wall. This is exactly what he was afraid of.

“No, baby, baby, baby,” Sokka repeats, tone incredibly careful. He runs one hand along Zuko’s shoulder reassuringly and the other along the curve of his waist. “I’m not making fun of you, I’m sorry. I was really nervous my first time, too.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“Nope. Not everything’s about you, honey,” Sokka teases, then whispers into Zuko’s ear, “Almost everything, though.” Zuko turns around tentatively at that, so they’re lying on their sides facing each other. Zuko puts his hand over Sokka’s and squeezes.

“What happened?”

“I didn’t even know I was nervous until I took the first hit. I got extremely paranoid, instantly. I was so convinced that I was gonna get busted, I ended up having a panic attack. Katara found me on the bathroom floor and yelled at me for, like, an hour. And then I threw up. A lot.”

“That’s supposed to make me feel better?”

“Hey, you asked for the story. How it makes you feel isn’t up to me.” Zuko sighs dramatically. “Zuko, I keep telling you, you don’t have to try it. There’s nothing I can say that’ll make you not nervous, you just have to find out for yourself. Or don’t. But if it scares you this much, maybe you shouldn’t—”

“I hate this,” Zuko interrupts. Sokka’s face falls, and he looks like he’s about to cry, so Zuko backpedals, “No, I mean, not _this_ , definitely not this, but...This feeling. I hate that I can’t make myself relax. I want to do something about it. You’re the only person I trust with this.”

Sokka gives him a small kiss, then a nod. “Alright, beautiful. You know, I trust you, too. Even if you don’t.” Zuko nods, too. At least there’s that. Sokka moves suddenly, surprising Zuko. He gets off the bed and onto the floor, reaching underneath the bed.

“What are you doing?”

“You don’t have to say yes...” Sokka says wearily as he stands up, holding a brown paper package. He takes his spot back on the bed. Zuko groans.

“Like that’s ever a good sign.” Sokka opens his mouth to say something, then shuts it sheepishly. “Okay, that’s _really_ not a good sign.”

“What if,” Sokka begins slowly, “we did it now?” Now Zuko is the one who can’t talk. “Don’t think about it too hard; if you want to, we will, and if you don’t, we won’t. Easy.”

“ _Easy_?”

“Zuko—”

“Do you know me at all? What about me is easy, Sokka? It was supposed to be _later_ , in one of the private gardens, not in here where my guards will definitely know what we’re doing!”

“First of all, I do know you, and I know you’ve got some control issues. So, I’m taking away the control. And everything about you is easy. To me.” Zuko’s heart stops. Sokka kisses his cheek tenderly. “As far as the guards are concerned, I’m pretty sure they’ll just think you’re a badass. I’ve smoked in here before, that’s gotta be what they thought about me, right?” He wiggles his eyebrows and Zuko cringes. 

“I doubt it. Anyway, we can’t get high before the day’s even started, Sokka!”

“Why not? You made sure you have no meetings for the next two days, which I told you was excessive—”

“Responsible, not excessive—”

“And we can just take a nap after, we’ll still have the whole day.” Zuko can’t come up with another reason, not even to himself. “If you don’t want to, babe, just say so. Is that what you’re saying?”

“...No.”

“Okay, then.” Sokka opens the brown package, which contains a round tin and a small, long wooden box. Zuko watches as Sokka opens the box and takes out what looks like a homemade cigarette. He feels his tongue go dry in anticipation, heartbeat quickening as Sokka holds it up in front of his face. It definitely has a strong, skunky smell, although it’s not unpleasant somehow, maybe even...Familiar? “D’ya think you can give me a hand and light this, my human match?” Sokka puts the joint between his lips, and it shouldn’t be as sexy as it is.

Zuko shuts his eyes for a second, allowing a deep breath. When he opens them, he snaps his fingers, intending to light the end of the joint. Instead, he miscalculates and almost burns Sokka’s lips as the entire thing goes up in flames. Sokka pulls it away in time and looks despairingly at the remaining filter. Zuko’s eyes are wide in horror, both hands clasped over his mouth like he’s stuck.

After what feels like an eternity, just as tears hint in Zuko’s eyes, Sokka starts laughing half-maniacally, and it’s so ridiculous that Zuko joins him. “Zuko, this stuff isn’t cheap!” Sokka says, wiping a tear from his eye.

“I’m sorry! But, hey, I offered to pay for it.”

“What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you do that?”

“A smart one?”

“Trust me, you want to try and smoke everyone else’s weed for as long as you can. Your money’s no good here.” Zuko pushes his face away playfully.

“Do you...have more?”

Sokka smiles mischievously. “Sure, but maybe I don’t trust you so much after all.” Zuko moves to push him again, but Sokka gets up off the bed before he can. He goes up to the desk and picks up a small clay ashtray, then sets the burnt filter in it. He brings it back to the bed and sets it down, but doesn’t sit. “I think I’m gonna stand, just in case,” Sokka grins. Zuko scowls.

Zuko gets it right this time, thankfully, and Sokka sits back down after setting the wooden box and tin on the bedside table. He takes a long hit, then pulls it away and looks at it. After a moment he exhales smoothly, thick smoke enveloping the space between them. He rubs Zuko’s knee assuringly. Zuko holds out a shaking hand, but Sokka shakes his head. “Let me, honey,” he says softly, then puts the joint to Zuko’s lips. “Just inhale a little bit for me.”

 _Easy_. Zuko does as he’s told, eyes huge with fear. He feels the smoke trail down his throat and into his lungs. Sokka pulls it away and ashes it, then puts his attention back on Zuko, who breathes out. He feels a strange pang of pain in his lungs, but other than that, he’s fine. Sokka rolls his eyes playfully and says, “Of course you don’t cough. You’ve been breathing fire all your life.” It’s a stupid joke, but Zuko smiles anyway.

Sokka takes two more hits, then offers it to Zuko, eyebrows arched curiously. Zuko nods and mutters, “I got it,” as he takes the joint from Sokka. He takes a drag, this time for a few beats longer, feeling the smoke hit his chest before he’s even done. Mimicking Sokka, he takes another one, this time closing his eyes. He supposes there’s some truth to what Sokka said; Zuko has been dealing with smoke his entire life, in his body no less, so this doesn’t exactly feel unnatural. It’s still a funny feeling, but now something else is growing within his chest, a sort of warmth. Comforting.

He hands it to Sokka, who seems impressed. Sokka elbows his side, then says, “Babe, you’re a natural!” He ashes it again, then continues, “I don’t know what you were so worried about.” Usually, Zuko would love to talk about the things he’s worried about, but he’s coming up short. Sokka takes another drag, the joint about half gone now. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I like it.” The confidence in Zuko’s voices even surprises him. Sokka is beaming as he takes another drag and passes it. After Zuko’s turn, he notices his eyes won’t open all the way. He looks at Sokka with squinted eyes, and is able to note how red Sokka’s eyes are before he dies laughing. Zuko knows Sokka’s laughing at him, but when he starts laughing, it’s at Sokka. When he can breathe regularly, Sokka presses the joint into the ashtray, stifling the flame and setting it in.

“I think we’re good for now.”

“You think?” Zuko says, and they’re giggling again.

“How do you feel?”

“Good. I feel really good,” Zuko admits, warmth now flowing over him, spreading to his hands and feet. 

“That’s great, beautiful,” Sokka says as he sets the ashtray on the bedside table. When he turns back, Zuko puts his palm over Sokka’s jaw, pulling him in. He’s trying poorly to stifle a smile, and he fails completely when Sokka kisses him. 

“Sorry,” Zuko says into Sokka’s lips. Sokka pulls away and feigns offense.

“Never apologize for being adorable. I should be thanking you.”

“How do you do that?” Zuko asks.

“Do what?”

“Say the right things.” Sokka sighs and moves onto his back, resting his head in Zuko’s lap. Zuko stares down at him in awe, fingers grazing his throat.

“You say the right things, too. I just know how to listen for them.” 

“Like that,” Zuko sighs lovingly and pulls Sokka’s hair free from its wolf tail.

Sokka touches the tip of Zuko's nose briefly, then repeats, “Like _that_ ,” as his hair flows around his head and onto Zuko’s lap. He runs his fingers through it, reveling in the softness of it, and Sokka closes his eyes. Zuko uses one hand to brush through the long strands and the other to lightly scratch the shaved sides of Sokka’s head. He could do this forever, he thinks, as Sokka shivers and moans quietly, back arching slightly.

“Zuko, that feels—”

“So good,” Zuko says breathily. “You’re amazing.” He halts his fingers to tilt Sokka’s chin upward. Zuko leans down to kiss him, sweet and long. Sokka puts a hand on the back of Zuko’s head, turning it open-mouthed. Sokka moves so they’re next to each other again. Zuko presses their foreheads together with closed eyes and whispers, “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.” 

He opens his eyes. He’s not sure if it’s the look of adoration on Sokka’s face, the weed, or the fact that he’s unmistakably, stupidly in love, but tears begin to fall down Zuko’s grinning face. Sokka gasps and wipes them away quickly, saying, “Oh, baby, don’t.”

“It’s good,” Zuko says definitively. “It’s perfect.”

Although Sokka laughs and says, “Zuko, you’re a sap when you’re high,” he’s got a couple of tears trickling, too. Zuko runs his thumb under Sokka’s eye, wiping them away.

“You’re one to talk,” he teases. “You love it.”

“I do,” Sokka says quickly. “I do love...it.”

Zuko lets out a small noise like the wind’s been knocked out of him. The words are there, _I love you_ , so quick and easy, just waiting for Zuko to give in. _Three months and thirty-one days_ chants in his head, along with flashes of his sister and father. They had never told him they loved him, drilled it into his head repeatedly that love was a sign of weakness. True, Zuko has never felt this weakened by another person in his life, but his strength is redeemed every time Sokka looks at him like he’s the sun. Azula and Ozai wouldn’t know trust if it spit in their faces, much less love, and suddenly Zuko feels sorry for them. To have this kind of love and know it so certainly is to know divinity, absolute redemption. For all the terrible things Zuko has done in his life, he’s the luckiest person in the world.

 _Fuck_ , Zuko thinks, zoning back in on Sokka’s suspiciously unreadable face. _Say something_! “Uh…” Zuko coughs. “Do you want to finish the rest?” He glances at the ashtray. Sokka puts the back of his hand over his forehead.

“Fire Lord Zuko, are you some sort of stoner now?”

“Shut it,” Zuko grins.

“How scandalous! How shocking!” Zuko rolls his eyes and reaches over Sokka to pick up the joint with one hand and snap it to life with the other. He takes a drag, then another, the warmth building to a soft heat. Zuko’s skin feels like it’s baking in the sun without the discomfort. He wants to reach out and touch Sokka to see if he’s warm too, so he does, because he can. Zuko’s fingers curl around Sokka’s forearm, his usually-warm skin practically sweltering now. 

Zuko feels indulgent, so he puts the joint to Sokka’s mouth as he did for him. Sokka’s eyes gleam with a familiar look of lust, eyes locked with Zuko’s as he inhales. He pulls his head away, then leans in like he’s going to kiss Zuko. “Open your mouth,” Sokka purrs, little wisps of smoke escaping. Zuko complies, opening his mouth close to Sokka’s, tilting his head to fit the space. Sokka exhales the smoke into Zuko’s mouth as he breathes in. Once Sokka’s out of breath, Zuko looks from Sokka’s lips to his eyes, exhaling.

Zuko ashes the joint, which is almost gone. He takes a hit and breathes smoke onto Sokka’s neck as he kisses it. Sokka’s hand flies to the back of Zuko’s head, a low moan in his throat. He takes the joint from Zuko and gives it one last quick puff before putting it out on the ashtray. He moves it to the table quickly, then lies back on the pillows. He holds his arms out for Zuko and makes grabbing hands, a beautiful look of want blooming through his soft features. “Come here,” he whispers, and Zuko really could just die.

Zuko’s on top of him now, kissing him feverishly, hands alternating between touching his face and body. Sokka’s hands are on his back, slipping under his sleeping robes. He pulls at them, signaling Zuko to take them off, which he readily does. Zuko flattens himself against Sokka, curling his neck to kiss behind his ear. Their chests are touching, skin hot and so incredibly close. Sokka whimpers, nails scratching at Zuko’s back. He inhales sharply at the sensation, moving to kiss Sokka once again.

Just when Zuko’s sure this is going all the way, he stops. He starts laughing uncontrollably, pulling away from Sokka and falling next to him. Sokka’s mouth is a soft circle when he sits up, looking at Zuko like he’s crazy, which is fair. “What…” he starts to say, but Zuko waves his hand dismissively. He’s actually gasping now, unable to breathe deep enough.

Eventually, he says, “I’m sorry, I just realized something. I know where I’ve seen this stuff before— it seemed so familiar and I know why. My uncle! This was the ‘tea’ he kept on the highest shelf he never let me touch. It was green, and smelled weird—”

He’s interrupted by Sokka laughing, too, but it’s not in the same way; He’s laughing _at Zuko_. “Babe, are you serious?” Sokka asks, doubled over still. “Where do you think I get it from?”

“What?!”

“Darling, don’t think about it,” Sokka coos as he straddles Zuko, kissing him smoothly.

“But—”

“Shh,” and Sokka kisses his neck, then grates his teeth across the sensitive skin lightly. Zuko closes his eyes. How can he argue with that?

They’re naked, lying in the afterglow, Sokka’s arm wrapped tightly around Zuko’s neck. Zuko still feels extremely high, the room soft with morning light, but he lets his eyes close. “That nap’s sounding pretty good,” Sokka says with a yawn. Zuko nods, his chin touching Sokka’s arm. He opens his eyes and turns his head upward.

“Will you sing me to sleep?” Zuko doesn’t mean for his voice to sound so small, but it’s worth it when Sokka beams at him, hearts practically jumping out of his eyes. Sokka kisses his forehead slowly, twice.

“Of course, sweetheart.” 

Zuko settles in as Sokka starts an old Water Tribe lullaby in an unfamiliar language, feeling himself melt a little more with every word. His eyelids close, and he wraps his entire body around Sokka, who holds him close. Sokka’s gentle baritone makes him feel like they’re suspended in the middle of a warm, rocking ocean. He can even hear the waves crashing gently, and it reminds him of himself, crashing gently and Sokka, picking up the pieces to build him up from scratch. Sokka sings another song, this one about coaxing a child to sleep.

When it’s over, and Zuko is virtually past the threshold of reality, Sokka whispers, “Zuko?” almost too quiet for him to hear. “Are you asleep?” Zuko ponders for a moment if he should open his eyes, but something in Sokka’s voice tells him not to. He waits, then finally, Sokka says at speaking volume, “I love you.”

It takes everything Zuko has not to react, to jump up and shout, “I love you, too!” at the top of his lungs. His heart beats wildly, palms beginning to sweat. Even though Sokka thinks he’s asleep, he begins to sing again, and Zuko lets it console him back into a lucid state. His vision is flooded with memories, Sokka at the center of all of them, glowing golden like a halo. Every sweet thing Sokka has ever said to him mixes with the serene lullaby, the greatest song he’s ever heard. 

_I love you_ rings out the loudest above everything else, melodious and crystal clear, encapsulating Zuko with wholeness.

Zuko wakes up from their nap first, of course, _I love you_ still stuck in his mind sharply. He looks at Sokka, who’s drooling a small pool into his favorite pillow. Somehow, he doesn’t seem to care. He smiles and positions himself so his face is in front of Sokka’s. He touches his cheek and taps it gently, attempting to wake him (something Zuko would generally consider rude, but if he doesn’t say it soon, he’ll scream). Finally Sokka stirs. “Sokka! Wake up!” Zuko nudges him. He opens his eyes fully.

“Wha—?”

“I love you, too,” Zuko says with the widest smile, tears threatening to spill. “I love you more than anything, Sokka.” He barely finishes speaking before Sokka’s lips are on his. It only lasts a moment, though, because Sokka pulls away with a gasp.

“You jerk!” Sokka yells as he hits Zuko’s arm. Zuko laughs and puts his hands up defensively. “I asked if you were asleep!”

Zuko puts on his best mystical voice, saying, “It came to me in a dream, a beautiful man, the man I _love_ , telling me he loves me, giving me everything I ever wanted.”

“Liar,” Sokka says with a kiss. He takes a breath, then asks shyly, “How long?”

“How long have I loved you?” Sokka nods. “Well, forever, I think. I mean, probably not when I was doing that thing where I tried to kill you—”

“Which makes a great story now.”

“—But yeah, ever since I really got to know you. It came with knowing you, loving you, it was easy. I didn’t have a choice. Not having you, that was the hard part. What about—”

“Always,” Sokka interrupts with certainty. “I spent so long being mad at you, I thought I hated you at first. But when I found you, _really_ found you, and found out what happened to you, it made sense. That night, the first night I held you, and I found out how neglected you’d been, I was angry. You’re so _good_ , Zuko, and I know you were always that way. But you were born into hate, and you hated yourself when you couldn’t be like them. How could you not? You were chasing affection they were never going to give you, and it made you do things you’re not proud of. I bet you felt so alone, like you couldn’t do anything right. But that’s where I come in. That night when I held you until you fell asleep, I knew. I knew it was my job to try and make up for the first part of your life. I was put here to love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

They’re both crying openly now, and Zuko knows he can’t say everything he wants to say, but he tries, “Thank you, for everything you’ve done for me. I know I don’t deserve it, that I’ve hurt people in irreparable ways, but you’re willing to love me anyway. I love you, and I wanted to say it for a long time, but I was so scared. Thank you, Sokka.” Sokka kisses his temple, then wipes away fallen tears from Zuko’s face, pausing his fingers over his scar. 

“One day,” Sokka says as he looks intently into Zuko’s eyes, “I’m going to get it through to you that you deserve the world, and you never have to be scared with me, about anything, ever. If you love me, and you want to say it, I want to hear it.”

“I love you,” Zuko says nonchalantly. “Also, I think I love...weed?” Sokka laughs triumphantly. Zuko’s eyebrows raise precariously. “Maybe we should, uh, smoke again?”

“Seriously?”

“Why not?” Zuko grins devilishly, grabbing the wooden box from the nightstand. 

“You’re _so_ bad,” Sokka gasps with an adoring smile.

“Well, I’ve got no plans. Do you?”

Sokka shakes his head and says, “There’s nowhere I’d rather be, my love.”

It hangs in the air like it’s supposed to be there, like it’s always been there. 

“Love.”

The joining of hands, clasped together, healing one another.

“Love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I loved writing this, and I didn't expect it to be 7,000 words, but here we are. This was honestly just a bunch of cutesy stuff I had in my head that I had to get out, and at first I thought a weed Zuko/Sokka fic would be stupid, but I actually liked this a lot. Again, the title is from "Till Death" by Japanese Breakfast! I think I'll definitely be writing these two again in the future. I'd love to hear what you thought about it, please leave me a comment if you feel so inclined :)
> 
> I also wanted to take this time to say Black Lives Matter, and if you can donate to bail funds/mutual funds/Black people in need, please do so. We're also in the midst of a global pandemic, so take care of yourself. I hope you have a great day, thanks for clicking! <3


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